


Losing So Much Time

by parisw_1989



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, lots of smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:08:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29946321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parisw_1989/pseuds/parisw_1989
Summary: Your first year with the bureau, your Unit Chief drags you to the annual FBI Conference and you expect it to be three days of albeit interesting, but nonetheless boring small talk with other feds.But when you meet the awkward yet devilishly handsome Doctor Reid, things start to perk up. And suddenly each year you find yourself looking forward to the conference more and more.It’s a conference thing. Once a year you and Spencer spend three days in a sexually charged bubble of your own creating. But it’s all fun right? No real feelings?Fifteen years is a long time to be in love with someone you only see once a year. But when you live on opposite ends of the country and once a year is all you get you just have to try and make the most of the time you get.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	1. Part One - Washington, DC 2005

**Washington DC - 2005**

Being a twenty four year old FBI agent with thick rimmed glasses and a penchant for smart dress  _ no matter _ the situation, Spencer found people didn’t always take him seriously. 

Now try being a twenty four year old FBI at his first Bureau convention with Aaron Hothcner and Jason Gideon. He felt like a kid being dragged along by his parents because they couldn’t find him a sitter. 

That’s not to say he didn’t want to be here; he did, very much so. It was an honour to be here really, surrounded by some of the best agents across the country. But he knew why he was here, he knew  _ exactly  _ why Hotch had asked him to come.

They wanted to show him off.  _ Look at the shiny young genius we recruited!  _ He was under no illusion, he knew that’s all it was. They wanted to parade him around like a prized pig,  _ their  _ prized pig. He could have worked anywhere. But he chose the BAU. 

Gideon insisted on introducing him by his honorific, it helped people take him more seriously, although he was met with a lot of skepticism. He’d heard it all before.

_ You look too young to be a doctor. _

_ Why would a doctor choose the BAU?  _

_ Surely you’re too young to be an MD? _

Spencer fielded each question with perfunctory answers.

_ I have a very high IQ. _

_ I choose the BAU because I love psychology and I want to help people. _

_ I’m not an MD. I have three PhD’s. _

It was exhausting but he did meet some interesting people and despite the  _ reason _ he was there, he was thankful to be part of such an elite group. He tried to remind himself it was a compliment they’d brought him along. They hadn’t asked Morgan or Elle or JJ. They’d asked him. 

That still didn’t stop him feeling like a show dog having his coat inspected to make sure he was up to scratch. As long as they didn’t make him do any tricks, he wasn’t one for jumping through hoops; literal or metaphorical.

***

You were barely out of the academy when the LA FBI field office snatched you up. You had the best scores across the board, you passed all physical and mental tests with flying colours. You’d been top of your class at Columbia as well so really it hadn’t been a surprise that the job offers came flooding in from across the country. 

You’d chosen to work for Counterintelligence in LA for the simple fact you were born and raised in Pasadena. California was your home and you loved it dearly. New York would have been cool, sure. Washington would have been interesting and New Orleans would have been wild.

But you were a California girl through and through. 

You were one of the youngest in attendance at the conference, no surprise there. Your Unit Chief Lisa Quill had wanted to bring you along to gloat and you knew it. All those offers and you’d chosen her department. 

You were ok with that, exposure was never a bad thing. If you did ever decide to move on from California it helped to get your name further out there. 

It was nerve wracking to say the least. You were surrounded with the best agents across the country, veterans who had paved the way for people like you. You were in the presence of greatness. And it was terrifying.

You’ll never forget the first time you saw him. You’d escaped Quill’s clutches for a breather, also known as a stiff drink. 

You leant against the bar sipping your whiskey, you only allowed yourself one during daylight hours. The bar was much quieter than the conference hall but there were still people milling about. FBI credentials hung around necks and clipped onto belts. Despite the fact firearms were checked at the door, you had never felt in safer company.

He entered the room and you felt it light up. He awkwardly played with his hands as he scanned the room, clearly looking for someone. He looked a little downtrodden when he didn’t find who he was looking for. 

He pushed his thick glasses up his nose, spotting the bar and started slowly making his way across the room. He clung close to the wall, staying away from any other people in the room. 

You watched him all the while, a little fascinated by him if you were honest. He reached the bar and ordered a drink. You couldn’t hear him as he was at the other end of the bar but he talked with his hands. There was something very animated about him. 

You smiled to yourself as he was brought a glass of water. He took a sip of it, pushing his glasses up his nose once more. 

He turned and his eyes landed on you, as though there was some kind of magnetic force between your eyes. 

You offered him a shy smile which he returned. Taking another sip of whiskey, you cautiously made your way towards him.

“Hi,” you spoke as soon as you were in ear shot. “I’m Y/N Y/L/N. Counterintelligence, LA Field Office.” You introduced yourself the same way you had to everyone else today. You tried to make it sound more conversational for him though. As though you  _ wanted  _ to talk to him, because you did. 

“Doctor Spencer Reid. Behavioural Analysis Unit at Quantico.” He gave you a small wave.

“PhD I assume?” You raised an inquisitive eyebrow at him. 

He smiled,  _ someone gets me.  _

“Yes. Three actually.” He spoke with passion and excitement and it made you beam.

“What in?” You were genuinely interested and it showed. 

“Psychology, maths and engineering.”

“Wow.” Your eyes widened. “Color me impressed.” 

His cheeks burned a little at your compliment and you noticed the slight red stain spread to his cheeks.

“You must be pretty impressive yourself. I’ve not met anyone else here as young as me.”

You waved a dismissive hand.

“I’m just good at tests.” You tried to downplay it with a shrug. “So Quantico huh? You're a local?”

“I’m from Vegas, I moved to DC a few years ago.”

“So no lonely nights in a hotel for you then?” Yes you were flirting and no you didn’t care. 

He was you type to a tee. You’d always been attracted to academics, brain over brawn. He had a whole professor vibe going on with the way he dressed way beyond his years. And the glasses were just a bonus. 

“No thankfully not.” His blush deepened and you knew it was because he  _ liked  _ you flirting with him. 

“Well maybe you can save me from myself tonight.”  _ Or more accurately, from Quill.  _ “You could show me what DC has to offer.” 

Handsome Doctors were a good start. One point to DC. 

“Oh.” Spencer croaked, taking a sip of his drink to sooth his suddenly dry throat. “Uh yeah...sure...I can do that.” 

“Don’t feel obliged to.” You laughed. “Vending machine food and spotty internet is my jam.” 

“No, I don’t. I swear.” He tried to insist. “I’m sorry, I’m just a very...awkward human being. But I would love to spend the night with you.” His eyes widened as his face turned bright red at his own words. “Oh gosh! I didn’t mean it like that! I’m not...I’m not some creep hitting on you I swear! I just meant…” he trailed off when you started to laugh.

“It’s ok Spencer.” You shook your head. “I know what you meant.” 

Although spending the night with him sounded much more interesting than seeing DC. 

“Ok good.” He nodded, sipping his water. God he needed to be more careful about the words he let leave his mouth. 

“I should go and find my Unit Chief but let me give you my number.” You grabbed a napkin from the bar and a pen out of your purse. 

You scrawled your number on the napkin and handed it to Spencer. 

“Call me later yeah?”

He held the napkin in his hand staring at it in disbelief. Pretty girls didn’t give him their numbers.

“Uhm sure.” He croaked, trying to work out if this was a dream or a joke or both.

“Bye Spencer.” You necked the last of your drink, set the glass down on the bar and sauntered off.

He watched you go, feeling a little light headed. He looked back at the napkin in his hand. It was still there. It was real.

He exhaled, a small smile creeping to his lips as he whispered, “goodbye Y/N.”

***

Spencer called like he said he would, he wasn’t the kind of man to not follow through on things he’d said he’d do. 

He’d met you at your hotel that evening, still dressed in the same smart suit he’d worn to the conference.

You were a different story in your jeans and sweatshirt and you felt extremely underdressed by comparison. 

“Should I change?” You frowned at your outfit choice.

“What? No! You look fine, great really.” He blushed, playing with his hands. 

“I feel underdressed.” 

“Don't. I always dress like this.” He shrugged. 

“Adorable.” You muttered to yourself.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” You smirked. “So Doctor Reid, where are you taking me tonight?” 

He chewed his lip. He’d already navigated a plan for the evening but now he was here in front of you, he was feeling insecure about his ideas. 

“Uhm well...I managed to book a table for dinner at a little Italian place near here. But I’m just realising now that I don’t even know if you like Italian food. We can go anywhere really. I should have asked.”

“I love Italian food.” You grinned. “But if we’re going for dinner I am most certainly getting changed.”

“Honestly don’t feel like you have to.” He spoke but you were already turning and heading back inside.

You looked at him over your shoulder, he was still standing dumbly on the sidewalk.

“Come on then.” You motioned for him to follow you. 

“To your...your room?” He swallowed and you tried not to laugh at his nerves. 

“I’m not leaving you out in the cold while I change. Come on.” You motioned again and this time he started tentatively following you. 

In your room, Spencer stayed close to the door as though just being in your room was too intimate for him. You thought his nerves were cute.

Thankfully you’d had the foresight to bring a couple of nice dresses just in case an occasion called for one and you selected a navy blue shift dress, grabbed some tights and shut yourself in the bathroom to change. 

You ruffled your hair in the mirror and added some lipstick before stepping back into the room. Spencer was still in the same position you’d left him. 

His jaw almost dropped when he took in the figure hugging dress you now wore. You smirked and made a show of bending down to slip your heels on. 

“Ok, I’m ready.” You turned back to him and he was staring at you.

“O-ok.” He stuttered. 

You suppressed your laugh as you slung on a coat, motioning Spencer out the door once more. 

FBI conferences were starting to look up, you thought as you headed back out into the DC night. 

***

“So what’s it like working for Jason Gideon, godfather of the BAU?” You leant forward on the table, possibly trying to give Spencer a good look at your cleavage. 

You’d had a delicious three course meal and now you were finishing off your shared bottle of wine over easy conservation.

“His reputation precedes him I see.” Spencer laughed. The wine had eased his nerves, taking the edge off. He felt much more relaxed speaking to you but there was still an air of awkwardness. 

This felt like a date, not that Spencer had much experience with such things but he was sure this is what one felt like. And that stressed him out a little because Spencer didn’t know how to act on dates, least of all on a date with someone so beautiful. The wine helped. But he couldn’t fully relax.

“I’ve been fascinated by him for years. He’s the reason I wanted to work for the FBI.”

“I’ll see if I can introduce you tomorrow.”

Your eyes lit up.

“That would be wonderful.” You grinned. “Thank you Spencer.”

“You’re welcome.” He blushed a little. 

You finished the wine in casual conversation. Spencer  _ insisted  _ on paying the check despite your protests. 

“I’ll just have to buy drinks then.” You nudged him as you left the restaurant. “Any bar recommendations?” 

Spencer already felt a little tipsy and honestly he knew he should go home to bed. But your eyes were sparkling at him, and the smile you were giving him made him feel weak.

“Uhm...I’m not a big bar person.” He shrugged. “But my friend Morgan is always talking about this place...O’Connell’s I think it’s called. We could try there?”

“Lead the way.” You smiled, knowing you would let him lead you anywhere. 

***

O’Connell’s was a little busy but you managed to find a small table in the back. As promised you paid for your drinks, both whiskeys. 

You leant forward on the table, wanting to be closer to Spencer, as close as you physically could. 

“So how are you enjoying DC?” He smiled at you over his glass.

“I am  _ very _ much enjoying DC.” The smile you returned was flirtatious in nature and you assumed he realised this as he swallowed hard. So you decided to push your luck. “I mean, I’m not sure I’d enjoy it quite so much if I didn’t have such a handsome tour guide.”

His cheeks burned and he looked down into his glass.

“Oh. I don’t know about that…”

“Spencer?” You gave his hand a nudge so he would look at you. He did as he swallowed again.

“Yes Y/N?” 

“You understand that I’m flirting with you, yes?”

He nodded stiffly.

“Yes, at least I assumed as much. I just don’t understand why.” He sounded painfully insecure.

You put your hand on top of his. His was much larger and so warm.

“There are a lot of reasons actually.” You smiled at him. “You’re attractive, smart, funny, sweet, interesting, kind…do you need me to go on?”

Yes, he would like that because he still didn’t get it but he knew it was a rhetorical question. 

“I think the wine is clouding your judgement because I am none of those things. Except smart, I’m exceptionally smart.”

You giggled, you couldn’t help yourself.

“You are all of those things and so much more Spencer Reid. Trust me.” You gave his hand a squeeze before you went to pull away. As you did, he captured your hand in his own, cupping it tightly.

“You really think so?” His eyes were large and riddled with his insecurities. 

You entwined your fingers.

“I know so.” 

Spencer leant closer to you, now you were just separated by a few inches you could feel his breath on your face. 

“I must have done something really good in a past life to have crossed paths with a woman like you Y/N.” He smiled shyly. His eyes kept flicking down to your lips. 

You couldn’t hold back any longer, you needed to feel those lips on yours. 

You quickly closed the space between you and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to his lips. As you went to pull away, Spencer’s free hand found its way to the back of your neck, keeping you close so he could kiss you again.

After a few seconds you dared inch your mouth open to allow him access which he took gratefully, his hungry tongue quickly exploring your mouth. 

His hand trailed around to your cheek and cupped your face, his other hand still entwined with your own. You ran your hand through his thick locks. 

The kiss was  _ divine.  _ It sent shivers down your spine and made your toes curl in your heels. Songs could be written about that kiss although you didn’t think words would quite do it justice.

It was completely and utterly perfect. 

When it ended, Spencer’s cheeks were stained red and he chewed his lip in embarrassment.

“I uh...hope that was...ok.” He fell over his words. 

“Spencer,” you smiled brightly at him, sitting back in your chair but keeping hold of his hand. “I have wanted you to do that since the moment I laid eyes on you.”  _ That, and so much more.  _

“Oh…” he smiled shyly. “Good. That’s good.” 

You laughed, giving his hand a squeeze.

“Want to walk me back to my hotel?” Your voice was dripping with seduction, the true intention behind them obvious even to a novice like Spencer. 

He knew  _ exactly  _ what you meant and the implication made his pants tighten.

He nodded stiffly, feeling his heart rate increase at the sheer thought of what was to come. 

You downed your drinks and hand in hand, left the bar into the night once more. 

***

The air had been thick with lust and longing on the walk to your hotel. You were pretty certain Spencer knew why you’d invited him back but you couldn’t be sure.

But when he made no attempt to leave you at the front of the hotel and followed you inside, you knew he understood. And suddenly you felt nervous.

It wasn’t like you to have a one night stand. You were  _ terribly  _ romantic. You wore your heart on your sleeve and usually made guys wait until the fourth, sometimes sixth date to get in your bed. 

But there was something different about Spencer. He was sweet and charming and he made you feel things you hadn’t felt in a  _ long _ time. For the past few years you’d put love on hold in lieu of focusing on your career. But you had needs, just like everyone.

And you’d felt something awaken in you when you’d first laid eyes on Spencer. A feral kind of lust that you thought you’d locked away. So if one night was all you got with him, it was better than nothing. You  _ had  _ to have him.

The tension was ripe when you made it to your hotel room. Spencer stood in the corner of the room looking like he was about to be thrown to the wolves. And then it hit you. You knew that look.

“Oh gosh.” You gasped a little. “You’re uhm...you haven’t...this is…”

He sighed, chewing his bottom lip feverently. 

“Yes.” He croaked. “I uhm...I have not... _ been with  _ a woman before.” His cheeks immediately turned crimson, his teeth gnawing on his lip. 

“Oh.” You stepped back a little. “Spencer, you don’t want  _ this _ to be how your first time goes.” 

He looked at you, a look akin to determination in his eyes.

“Yes. I very much do.” 

“Your first time should be with someone you love.”

“Was yours?” 

You sighed.

“No.”

“Then why does mine need to be?” 

You sighed again, coming closer to Spencer. You took his hand and led him to the bed where you both sat down on the edge.

“You’re how old if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Twenty four.”

“Me too.” You smiled softly. “And I can only assume if you’ve waited this long it’s because you  _ want _ it to be with someone special.” 

“You are special.”

His words made your heart melt.

“That’s sweet.” You squeezed his hand. “But we only just met.”

“My not having had sex before is not through choice ok?” His shoulders slumped. “All throughout my school years I was several years younger than my peers. I was so young when I was in college I wasn’t even thinking about sex. And then I was too focused on my PhD’s and getting into the bureau that I suppose that side of my life took a back seat. But trust me when I say I want this. I want  _ you _ . More so than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.”

You gave him a half-smile.

“And I want you.” You whispered. “But I need you to be  _ sure  _ Spencer. Really sure.” 

“I am.” He nodded, the look in his eyes told you he meant it too. “I am more than sure Y/N.”

“Ok.” You bit your lip nodding at him. “But if you want to stop or feel uncomfortable-“

He cut you off by pressing his lips to yours with force. It took your breath away. His tongue found solace in your mouth again and he gently guided you so you were laying on the bed. 

His glasses kept slipping down his face from this new position so he sat back and took them off, leaning over and placing them neatly on the nightstand.

“I can’t promise I know what I’m doing.” His nerves returned suddenly. “But I’ll try.”

You smiled at his honesty and pulled him close by the back of his neck so you could kiss him again. Your lips on his seemed to ease his nerves as he started shrugging off his jacket. After he discarded it your hands went to his tie as you expertly got it undone and threw it to the floor. 

His hands were a little shaky as they moved over your body, seemingly with no destination in mind. It took you a couple of minutes to realise he was trying to work out how to get you out of your dress. 

You put your hand on his and guided it to rest next to the side of your breast on your zipper. He tugged on it a few times, hands still shaking before he finally slid it down. You sat up a little, smiling at him and pulled the garment over your head, slowly, making sure to give him a show, and then tossed it to the floor.

You laid back down and Spencer chewed his lip staring down at you. He took in all the curves of your torso and chest and the detailing on your lacy bra. He sucked in a sharp breath.

“Like what you see Spencer?” you licked your lip as you spoke. 

“Very much so.” his voice was low and breathy. 

You sat back up and toyed with the top button of his shirt. You made eye contact with him and he nodded softly, giving you the encouragement to continue. You started unbuttoning his shirt revealing his slim frame he hid under clothes that were slightly too big for him. His skin was pale and smooth. You wanted to sink your teeth into that beautiful unblemished flesh.

Once all the buttons were undone, you slid your hands down his shoulders, taking the shirt with you. It fell back to the bed and he smiled shakily at you.

“Do you uhm...like what you see?” he sounded so insecure in that moment it damn near broke your heart.

“I  _ love  _ what I see.” you smiled at him, stroking his chest. “Gosh you’re so hot Spencer.” 

His cheeks burned again, you seemed to have that effect on him. You cupped his face and kissed him again. The kiss deepened and you trailed your hands from his face to his chest. 

You allowed your fingernails to lightly graze his skin and it spurred him on to kiss you deeper. Your hands continued their journey of his body until they came to the waistband of his pants. 

He hissed into your mouth as you hooked your thumbs into his belt loops. You sat back a little, eyes asking permission you already had but you had to make sure.

“It's fine.” he laughed a little. “I promise. I really want this.” 

You let your eyes fall to where your hands were and you could _see_ _how_ much he wanted this. His arousal was evident in his pants, straining at the fabric.

“Ok.” you laughed and kissed him again. 

You allowed yourself to undo his button and zipper and pull his pants over his hips. He shifted so he could wriggle them off his legs and kick them off the bed. 

Now only in his boxers it was  _ painfully _ clear how much he wanted this. 

“Oh jeez Spence.” you moaned a little as you spoke. 

Your moan gave him the wave of confidence he needed to lay you back to the bed and move to remove your tights. He peeled them off your legs revealing your sheer panties hiding below. You pulled him back down, gasping at the sensation of your skin meeting his. 

His erection pressed against you and Spencer was rolling his hips, desperate to feel more skin on skin contact. You smiled to yourself at his eagerness.

You ran your fingertips over his back and down to cup his ass. He kissed your neck a little sloppily and his hand wandered your body once again seemingly with no destination in mind. 

“Spencer,” you whispered, causing him to sit back and look at you.

“Yes?”

“If you’re trying to find something to do with your hands, I can think of a thing or two.” you smirked but he looked at you with slight confusion. 

You took hold of his right wrist and gently guided his hand down between your legs. His eyes went wide and gasped a little feeling how warm and wet you were even through your underwear. 

He cautiously moved his fingers over the fabric that separated him from your core. You gave him a small nod of encouragement. 

He hooked fingers in the sides of your underwear and slowly pulled them down your legs. His anxiety was written all over his face. All he wanted was to make you feel good and he was so worried that he wouldn’t. 

But he supposed he would never know unless he tried. 

He’d never had first hand experience but he’d read books. He’d seen things. He had a vague idea of what would make you feel good. 

He moved his hand between your legs again amazed by how wet you were already. Did  _ he _ do that to you? He slicked his fingers with your arousal and started rubbing gentle circles on your heat. 

The moan he managed to elicit from your lips was emphatic and it gave him the push to continue his movements. 

You arched your back, your hips rocking up and down, needing to feel more. 

He continued working you in this way and with his other hand, slipped two fingers inside of you. 

Once again he made you moan deeply, viscerally and it made his cock throb achingly. He pushed his fingers inside you as far as he could and he curled them, hoping to touch you right in your sweet spot.

“Oh god Spence!” you panted, writhing in the bed. A sense of pride washed over him so he repeated the movement over and over, ensuring he didn’t neglect his movements on your clit.

You reached for him, stroking his length through his underwear. A moan left his lips and he wriggled back from your touch.

“What’s wrong?” you suddenly stopped moving on the bed, staring at him in concern.

“Nothing, nothing I promise. It’s just...I am already  _ so _ turned on Y/N and I don’t want to risk...completion before I get to...you know.” 

_ My god, he’s adorable,  _ you smiled to yourself. 

“Ok.” you pulled him down again to kiss him, feeling a little disheartened when he removed his hands from between your legs but you knew the two of you weren’t done. Not by a long shot. 

As you kissed you helped Spencer out of his underwear and when he sat back to kick them off his feet it allowed you to take him in.

You exhaled heavily seeing his beautiful body in all its glory above you. He was utterly perfect, you wish you could capture this moment in your mind and keep it forever.

He was blushing when he looked back at you, seeing you eyeing him up hungrily. He’d never been looked at in such a way before. Your eyes met as you reached behind yourself and expertly unhooked your bra.

You watched Spencer’s jaw almost hit the bed as he took in the sight of you completely undressed. 

“You are...so beautiful.” he breathed. 

“Not so bad yourself Doctor.” you smirked at him. 

“Do we uhm...should we use a...condom?” he croaked. 

“It’s your call. I’m clean, I swear, I get checked whenever I have a partner. And I’m on the pill so there’s no chance of…”

“Well statistically no form of contraception is one hundred percent safe.”

“No that’s true. But the pill is more effective than a condom.”

That was true, he knew that. He nodded in agreement, feeling his nerves bubbling up again as you pulled him closer to you, his cock naturally settling in between your legs. 

You could sense he was scared and you knew him being on top would only make it harder on him as it would leave him with more control. 

You took hold of his shoulders and he frowned at you, but you just smiled. You guided him so he was laying back on the bed and you straddled him. At this angle he looked slightly more comfortable with the situation.

“Are you ready?” you asked him, lining yourself up with him.

“I am  _ desperate.” _ he told you honestly. 

You stroked his chest as you gently lowered yourself on his length. You were slow with your movements, allowing Spencer to get used to the sensation. His eyes were wide as he stared up at you, the way you felt around him blew his mind. He had  _ no idea _ it would feel like this.

“Oh gosh.” he panted. “That is...phenomenal.” he panted once he was all the way inside of you. 

You sat still for a moment, allowing him to get used to the feeling before you started moving. He filled you up in such a magnificent way, as though he was made for you. 

You put your palms on his chest to steady yourself as you started slowly moving on his shaft. Spencer’s eyes almost rolled back into his head as you moved. His hands grasped the bedsheets, screwing them up in his hands. You felt pleased with yourself. 

Once you were sure he was used to the feeling, you picked up your pace, his cock hitting you right in at your core. You dug your nails into the skin of his chest and he didn’t seem to mind or even notice. 

You were surprised when he started bucking his hips, meeting your own movements. His eyes landed back on yours, asking you with his gaze if that was ok and you nodded. 

You moved in perfect rhythm with one another. Spencer still didn’t know what to do with his hands and at times he groped at you without any real intent but you thought it endearing. 

Soon his face was flushed and he was muttering incoherently and you knew what that meant. You shifted around him a little, adjusting slightly so he could hit you deeper. 

It sent you both tumbling over the brink soon after. Spencer came first, a mess of words falling between pouted lips. A few more thrusts and you too came undone, falling on top of him, moaning his name.

You laid on top of him as you both fought to catch your breath. His chest was slick with sweat but you didn’t care. 

His arms were pinned at his sides, he still wasn’t sure what to do with them. You slid off him and rolled down next to him on the mattress. 

He turned his head on the pillow to look at you with a small smile. 

“Was that...was it...uhm...any good?” He chewed his lip, feeling foolish for asking such a question.

You smiled, he really was so adorable.

“Let’s just say it isn’t always so easy to make me come.” You reached out and stroked his cheek. “How was it for you?”

God you hoped you weren’t a let down, not that you supposed he had anything to compare it to. But there was a lot of pressure being someone's first and you hoped you’d lived up to expectations.

“You have no idea.” he grinned at you, placing his hand on top of yours that was still on his cheek. “It was the most incredible experience of my life.”

“Only because you have nothing to compare it to.” You brushed off the compliment. 

“I don’t need anything to compare it to to know that what we just did...it blew my mind.” He tentatively leaned closer and kissed you. 

“Do you have to go or can you...can you stay?” You felt shy all of a sudden. 

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

You laid your head on his chest and wrapped your arm around his stomach. He followed suit and wrapped an arm around you. 

It wasn’t long before you fell into a peaceful sleep. It had been too long to count since you last got to fall asleep in someone’s arms. And the fact that someone was Spencer, made the sleep even more blissful.

***

The following day at the conference was spent catching Spencer’s eye across rooms full of agents as often as you could. 

Every time he would give you a shy smile and you’d watch a blush creep to his cheeks. 

That night Quill dragged you out for a meal that you couldn’t get out of and so you weren’t able to spend any time with Spencer alone. 

The following day was the last day of the conference and it went similarly to the previous day. 

Towards the end of the day as you were trying to hide out in a corner, you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned and your eyes immediately fixed on Spencer’s. You smiled at him, but he wasn’t alone.

“Y/N Y/L/N, this is the BAU’s Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner and Jason Gideon. This is Y/N, she works counterintelligence out of the LA field office.” 

You smiled shyly, Hotch’s outstretched hand in front of you. 

“Pleased to meet you agent Y/L/N, Reid has told us a lot about you.” 

You couldn’t help but blush at Hotch’s words as you shook his hand.

“Thank you sir, the pleasure is mine, really.” 

You turned to Gideon and shook his hand.

“I am a big fan of your work agent Gideon. I’ve been to several of your lectures.” 

“It’s good to meet you.” He replied, not much for words.

“Are you coming, Reid? I think we’re done here.” Hotch told the younger man now.

“I’ll head out soon.” He tried not to blush thinking about  _ why _ he was staying.

“See you tomorrow.” Hotch gave him a nod. “And it was nice to meet you Y/L/N.” He directed at you.

“And you.” You smiled and gave agents Hotchner and Gideon a pathetic wave which you scalded yourself for as they walked away. 

Spencer was looking at you with a smile on his face.

“So it’s your last night?” He asked a little wistfully.

“Sadly so.”

“I guess we better make the most of it then?” He chewed his lip bashful at his suggestion. You just smiled in response.

“I guess we better.” 

***

You and Spencer bypassed dinner and drinks opting for as much time in the bedroom as possible on your last night in DC. 

He was just as nervous, if not more so somehow than he had been your first time. 

During the course of the night and early hours of the morning you made love five times. By the time you were both completely spent the sun was rising, spilling light into the room through the crack in the curtains.

You laid in Spencer’s arms revealing in the feeling as it was soon to be over. You felt strangely teary eyed at the thought of leaving him. You’d had the most incredible few days with him and you didn’t want it to be over. 

But all good things had to end, you knew that to be true. 

“Is it weird if I say I’m going to miss you?” Spencer whispered as though he were reading your mind. You supposed he was a profiler. 

“Not at all.” You shifted in his arms so you could look up at him. “Because I’m going to miss you too.”

_ “I can bear any pain as long as it has meaning.”  _ He sighed as he spoke.

“I didn’t peg you as a Murakami fan.” 

“I’m full of surprises I guess.” He shrugged sadly. 

_ “If all else perished, and he remained I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.”  _

“Wuthering Heights.” He smiled sadly. “I don’t have any plans to be annihilated.”

“Good to know.” You kissed him softly, pressing your naked bodies together one last time.

“Maybe we’ll meet again.” He spoke into your lips. “Maybe the universe will bring us back together someday.”

You nodded with a sigh. You hoped that would be true. You  _ needed  _ that to be true.

You stroked his cheek with your thumb, brushing a strand of his hair out of his eye before you kissed him again.

“Hopefully Spence. Someday.”

  
  
  
  



	2. Part Two - Atlanta, Georgia 2006

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW - Oral (female and male receiving), masturbation (male), penetrative sex, unprotected sex, teasing. Some mild angst, mentions of addiction and abduction.

**Atlanta, Georgia - 2006**

Spencer Reid was a man on a mission. As soon as he entered the conference center his mind was one thing and one thing alone and it wasn’t the conference itself.

It was you.

Were you here this year? You had to be right? The only reason he’d insisted on coming was the hopes of seeing you again. 

It had been three hundred and forty two days, almost an entire year since he’d last seen your face; since he’d last touched your glorious body. Spencer was starved of your touch. _Famished_. You had to be here, you just had to be.

You’d exchanged texts and spoke on the phone a few times since DC. You always seemed _so_ relieved to hear his voice. But over time the calls got less frequent. Life got in the way. Two FBI agents who lived in the same city would struggle to make things work let alone ones that lived two thousand six hundred and sixty eight miles apart. 

If Hotch and Morgan hadn’t been so busy socialising and mingling they might have noticed their resident genius was _extremely_ on edge. Every time he sensed a movement in his vicinity he jumped, hoping to god it would be you.

But it never was.

He spent the whole first day in a haze. What if you weren’t here? What would he do then? He would call you later but he didn’t have time to breathe let alone make a call most of the day.

As the first day was winding down he stepped outside for a breather. He needed five minutes to just wallow in the fact he hadn’t seen you. He’d waited three hundred and forty two days and his hopes were coming crashing down around him.

He retrieved his phone from his pocket staring down at your contact details for several minutes. Maybe you haven't come on purpose? Maybe you just _hadn’t_ wanted to see him again? 

With a sigh he pocketed his phone and turned to head back inside.

As he turned, his eyes met another pair he remembered so well from a bar in a conference center in DC three hundred and forty two days ago.

“Hey Doctor. Miss me?” You smirked at him, hand on your hip.

He was so overwhelmed to have you this close to him again he couldn’t help but throw his arms around you, engulfing you in a tight hug.

“Oh gosh Y/N, I was starting to think you weren’t here!” He spoke into your ear, his hot breath making the hair on the back of your neck stand to attention. 

“How could I possibly pass up an opportunity to see you again?” You laughed. 

He pulled back so he could look at you but kept his arms around you.

“In answer to your question, yes I missed you. So much.” 

“I missed you too Spence.” 

“Do you want to maybe...uhm…” he chewed his lip shyly.

“Get out of here?” You finished his sentence for him.

“Yeah.”

“More than anything.” You gave his cheek a soft kiss before detangling yourself from Spencer’s arms. You headed towards the door, hearing him following behind you. 

You looked at him over your shoulder as you walked, giving him a wink that made his knees go weak.

“So Doc,” you smirked. “Your room or mine?” 

***

Spencer had spent the last three hundred and forty two days researching. He didn’t know if he’d ever see you again, but if he did he wanted to be prepared this time.

He read countless books on the female orgasm, the best way to get a woman off and how to make her feel good. And tonight he was finally getting to put it into practice. 

He was still nervous, there was only so much books could teach him without having any practical experience with his new skill set. You were still the only woman he’d ever been with, the only woman he ever _hoped_ to be with. 

He had you naked, laying on your back on the bed as he straddled you. It was all he’d wanted since the moment you left DC for LA. 

It was time to try out his new skills. 

He bowed his head to your stomach and started kissing your hot flesh, making goosebumps flare on your skin. One hand played with your nipple and the other traced lightly up and down your inner thigh. 

He was going to make you come. He was going to make you come from his tongue alone. 

He trailed his lips down your stomach and onto your hips. You felt your core tighten as his lips moved down your body, desperate to feel that tongue of his that did so much rambling, put to another use.

His fingers on your thigh were replaced with his lips. He kissed a trail right up until he was directly in front of your heat, and he exhaled a breath, making sure it hit the sweet spot between your legs.

You were wriggling beneath him, trying to rock your hips to meet his mouth. You needed to feel his tongue with an animalistic desperation.

“Spence,” you pouted. “Please.” 

The whine that left your lips for him made his dick throb achingly. He wanted to tease you, he wanted to turn you into a mess without so much as touching you. But he was just as desperate as you. Desperate to taste you. 

Full of nerves he exhaled again and pushed forward, his tongue lapping over your clit in the most magical sensation either of you had ever experienced. 

You found his hair, entwining your fingers in his thick locks and holding on for dear life.

Spencer had no words for the way you tasted and he usually had a word for everything. You were sweet and bitter, a beautiful cacophony of flavours dancing on his taste buds. 

He swirled his tongue in circles on your clit, his movements slow and deliberate. 

He kept his eyes up so he could look at you, making sure he was doing everything right. Your tugs in his hair and your flushed face told him he was. 

He moved from your core to run his tongue between your wet lips, lapping you up. You tugged harder at his hair, begging him for more. 

He picked up his pace, lapping and circling his tongue over you clit, giving it his full attention. The moans and whines leaving your lips were _exquisite_ and he couldn’t believe he was the one causing such sounds.

He reached one hand up to play with your supple breast, toying with your hard nipple between his fingers, all the while his tongue was dancing between your legs. 

You writhed beneath him, tugging his hair harder and harder as you neared your brink. His tongue worked you into a frenzy, expertly bringing you closer and closer to your orgasm. 

He moved his free hand to his own dick, not being able to stop himself. He wrapped his hand around his shaft and started pumping, the taste of you almost enough to get him off on its own.

His tongue picked up speed even more, licking and sucking with ungodly precision. 

His head leaked with pre-come on his hand and he moaned into your core. The feeling was enough to push you over the edge and you gripped his hair hard, moaning and writhing on the bed.

“Oh fuck Spencer!” You moaned as your orgasm hit. He sat back to look at you, the beautiful glow of your completion on your face. “That was... _fucking phonomenel.”_

He let his hand fall off his dick to his side, a little embarrassed you might have seen him touching himself. You were smirking at him.

“Don’t stop.” Your voice was so low and sultry he felt it. 

“But I...I want to…”

“I know.” You cut him off knowing what he was going to say. “There will be plenty of time for that. Right now, I want to watch you touch yourself.” You chewed your lip in anticipation.

He swallowed and kneeling over you he took his shaft in his shaky hand again. 

He started stroking himself, his length slick with pre-come. Your eyes were fixated on his movements, licking your lips in desire. 

“Fuck that’s hot Spence.” You panted, feeling yourself getting worked up again just watching him. 

He blushed a little feeling self conscious but he continued all the same. But he was close to his orgasm and he didn’t think he could stop if he tried. 

You watched his hand move up and down his shaft, mesmerised by the motions. He was chewing his lip and his eyes fluttered close. He was making himself feel good, so good and you loved the look of bliss wash over him. 

A few more hard pumps and he was coming undone, his body convulsing slightly as he spilt is load all over your chest. 

You hissed at the sensation of his hot come on your skin. When he opened his eyes he was panting.

“Oh gosh.” He blushed looking down at your come stained chest. “I am so, so sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologise.” You laughed lightly. You ran two fingers between your breasts, wiping a streak of his come on your fingers. You brought them to your lips and sucked them dry. “Mmm you taste so good Spence.”

“Jesus,” he swallowed. “I’m sure it’s nowhere near as good as you taste.” He bowed his head to kiss you. “I’m going to get some paper towels.” He pushed himself off the bed and padded to the bathroom. When he returned he was self consciously trying to hide his exposed member from you and you found it adorable.

You closed your eyes while he cleaned your chest. He was so gentle and careful with you. When he was finished he slid under the covers, laying on his side to look at you. 

You copied the position and reached out to stroke his hair back off his face.

“So tell me Doctor, where did you learn those tricks?” You smiled blissfully. “Did I give you the confidence you needed to approach other women?” 

_God I hope not,_ you thought. That was the first time you allowed yourself to even entertain the idea of Spencer with someone else.

“God no.” He laughed. “And even if you had...there isn’t another woman on Earth I would rather be with than the one in my bed right now.”

You felt your cheeks burn at the compliment. 

“So where did you learn that?”

“I uhm...did some research. I was hoping we’d get uh...revisit this and I wanted to be more prepared.”

“That is the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard.” You kissed him softly. 

“Hmm it sounds particularly nerdy when I say it out loud.” 

“Good thing _nerdy_ turns me on then Doctor.” You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him harder this time, pulling him on top of you. 

You reached between your bodies as you kissed, taking hold of his already hardening shaft. You started pumping him and he moaned into your mouth.

You pulled your lips away from his and moved to his ear, nibbling on the lobe.

“I want you to fuck me like your life depends on it Doctor Reid.” You whispered in his ear making his dick twitch in your hand.

How could _anyone_ say no to that? Spencer felt dizzy with lust. 

You were something else all right. Something else entirely. You made his head spin. You made his heart race. You made all the pieces in his life seem to slot into place.

The year he’d spent apart from you had made no sense to Spencer but the moment he saw you again everything became clear. Over the course of three hundred and forty two days of absence, he had fallen in love with you. He wasn’t sure of that fact until he laid eyes on you again today but as soon as he saw you, he knew that’s what it was. 

He also knew how foolish it was to be in love with a woman he had only had for two nights but he always had been a hopeless romantic. He had given you his heart the first time you were intimate and he allowed you to keep it. No matter what happened he would always allow you to keep it. It didn’t fully belong to him anymore.

You made love and Spencer was much less nervous than he had been last time around although you could tell he still held some insecurities regarding his performance. You fell asleep in his arms, a feeling that despite not experiencing in so long felt so natural to you both.

For three hundred and forty two nights, Spencer’s dreams had been in monochrome; haunted by images of a beautiful woman just out of his reach. No matter how fast he ran he couldn’t catch up to her. He screamed her name again and again but she didn’t hear him, or if she did she didn’t wait for him. He’d been worried he may only ever dream in black and white from now on, forever chasing a woman he could never have. But that night, Spencer dreamt of holding the same beautiful woman who haunted him for the past year. He dreamt of touching her skin, tasting her sweet nectar and whispering sweet nothings to her.

That night, for the first time in three hundred and forty two nights, Spencer dreamt in technicolor. He dreamt of you.

***

You were being a tease and you knew it. In fact, you were being a tease _deliberately_. 

You were sat in a talk about bureau communications next to Quill, with Spencer sat just across the aisle from you. 

You were wearing a painfully tight pencil skirt and blouse and your bare legs were all Spencer could focus on. Throughout the talk you periodically brushed the hem of your skirt higher up your thigh giving Spencer a show. You kept your biceps against your breasts, pushing them together and allowing your cleavage to enter his eyeline. 

Spencer was a wreck. He was hard and had to keep his hands in his lap so Hotch who was next to him wouldn’t see. He tried not to look at you but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t wait to get back to his room again tonight. 

After the talk you slipped away quickly to use the bathroom. When you reentered the hall you spotted Spencer with his Unit Chief and another man you didn’t recognise. 

You sauntered over, capturing Spencer in a tight embrace.

“So good to see you again Doctor Reid.” 

He felt your hand slide into his jacket and something being placed in his inside pocket. He didn’t dare look yet. 

“Agent Y/L/N nice to you.” He replied. “You remember Aaron Hotchner from last year's conference?”

“Nice to see you again sir.” You gave the older man a slightly more appropriate handshake.

“And this is SSA Derek Morgan.” Spencer directed your attention to the other man.

“Pleased to meet you agent Y/L/N.” Derek also shook your hand. 

“And you.” You smiled at all three men. “I best be getting back but I just wanted to say my hellos.” You gave Spencer a subtle wink as you turned and sauntered away.

“A friend of yours pretty boy?” Morgan raised his eyebrow at Spencer once you were gone. 

“Something like that. Excuse me.” He swallowed heading away from his team members. The item you’d placed in his pocket felt as though it was burning a hole in the fabric. 

He pushed his way out into the corridor and finding it empty, he dared to reach into his pocket. He only had to feel it to know what it was.

_A pair of lace panties._

His cock throbbed in his pants. He found the nearest bathroom and locked himself in a cubicle. He pulled the garment out and instinctively brought them to his nose.

They’d been worn. He could smell you on them. He held them in one hand, keeping them under his nose as he used the other to unbutton his pants. 

This wasn’t like him, he wasn’t the kind of guy to jack off in a public bathroom where anyone could walk in on him. But he also wasn’t the kind of guy who revived women’s underwear in his jacket pockets so maybe he was that kind of guy?

He pumped himself hard and fast, using the aroma on your panties to imagine it was your hand wrapped around his shaft. 

He reached his climax in record time, spilling his load over the toilet seat. 

He returned the panties to his pocket and cleaned up before joining Hotch and Morgan back in the conference hall.

“Where’d you disappear to?” Morgan asked as he rejoined them. 

“I had a uh...throbbing... _headache._ But it’s taken care of now.” 

God he hoped his deed wasn’t written all over his face. He usually had an excellent poker face but right now he was sure his expression gave him away. But Morgan just shrugged and turned back to his conversation with Hotch. 

***

The banging on your hotel door was loud and frantic, you knew it would be him. 

And if it wasn’t, whoever it was was about to get one hell of an eyeful. 

You took your time answering the door, wanting him as frustrated as possible. At least a minute passed before you turned the lock and opened the door an inch just to check it was Spencer. It was. And he was dangling your panties from his fingers.

“Seriously? Someone could have seen you do that!”

“And isn’t that so hot?” You smirked. You opened the door further and any annoyance Spencer had towards you washed away when he saw you.

You wore a matching set of _in your face_ red lace bra and panties, stockings and suspenders and heels. You put one hand on your hip.

“Tell me Doctor,” you used your free hand to grab the end of his tie and pull him in the room. “Did it turn you on?”

“Are you kidding me?” He swallowed. “Of course it did. I had…” he blushed. “I had to go to the bathroom and relieve myself.”

“God that’s hot.” You hissed, pulling him further into the room once the door was closed. 

“You’re playing a dangerous game.”

“And you’re loving every minute of it.” Before he could speak again, you smashed your lips against his. 

You pushed his jacket off his shoulders as your tongue dove into his waiting mouth. You heard the fabric hit the floor. 

He was grasping at you, your hips, breasts, ass; anything he could reach. You tore your lips from his and trailed kisses to his neck, making him moan. 

Suddenly you dropped to your knees in front of him, making him whimper. You licked your lips, looking up at him through your lashes as you started working on undoing his pants. You freed him from his pants with relative ease, moving the offending fabric down just enough to release his throbbing member. 

He gasped as you wrapped your hand around the base, feeling his legs buckle.

“Is this what you want?” you bowed close to his dick so your breath hit the tender flesh.

“Yes.” he whined a little.

“What exactly do you want? I want to hear you say it.” you smirked up at him.

Spencer swallowed, chewing his lip.

“I want you to...I want you to…” his cheeks flushed red feeling embarrassed to talk dirty and tell you exactly what he wanted. But it was clear by the look in your eyes you were desperate to hear him say it. “Please Y/N, put my dick in your mouth.” he whimpered, such words never leaving his lips before. 

It was obvious that was what you’d wanted to hear and you rewarded him by swiping your tongue over his swollen head. 

He gasped loudly, he’d never had his dick sucked before. He’d imagined it, _oh how_ he’d imagined it especially since meeting you but even just the sensation of your tongue making brief contact with his head was better than his wildest dreams. 

“Do you want me to take you? All of you?” you mumbled.

“Gosh yes please Y/N.” he begged you. 

It was all you needed to hear before you wrapped your lips around his aching shaft and took his _whole_ length in your mouth.

His knees buckled again and he wobbled a little on his feet as he felt his head hit the back of your throat. He kept his hands at his sides, not knowing what he was supposed to do with them.

You moved your lips back and forth around him, up and down his length ensuring to swipe your tongue across his head each time.

Spencer was in complete disarray, barely managing to control his legs enough to stay upright. It was so different from sex, but equally as incredible. You _really_ knew what you were doing.

You wrapped your hand around the base of his dick and started pumping him at the same time as you sucked him. Pre-come leaked from his head and you lapped it up, moaning at the glorious taste of him.

“Y/N…” he panted. “This is....jeez there aren’t any words.” his legs buckled again. “But I need you...need to feel you. Right now. I need to be inside you.” 

Hearing Spencer tell you what he wanted was possibly the hottest thing in the whole world. You slowed down your movements on his dick until you came to a complete stop and slipped off him. 

You stood up, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. You expected him to undress but instead he kissed you fiercely, pushing you back to the bed and falling on top of you. 

He reached between your legs and moved you panties aside. And then he was pushing his way deep inside of you. When he said he needed you _now_ he really meant it. 

He wasted no time thrusting in and out of you as you wrapped your legs tightly around his waist. It was the first time he’d been on top and it was a new feeling for him being in control.

Due to your magnificent lips and tongue he was already close to the edge and it was obvious, so you slid your hand between your bodies and rubbed yourself while he moved inside of you.

It was only a matter of minutes before you were both coming undone at the seams. Once Spencer had expelled himself he fell down to the bed next to you.

You laid side by side staring at the ceiling while you caught your breaths. After a few minutes you got up, adjusting your panties back into place and heading to the mini bar.

You grabbed two miniature bottles of whiskey and decanted them into the tumblers on the desk. 

Spencer sat on the edge of the bed, tucking away his manhood and doing up his pants. 

You handed him one of the glasses and sat down in the chair opposite him.

“So I haven’t had a chance to ask. How’s your year been?” You chuckled as you spoke.

Spencer let out a sigh that seemed as though he’d been holding in forever.

“Not great.” He confessed, sipping his drink. 

You tilted your head to the side a little, waiting for him to continue.

“I’m uh...in the midst of battling drug addiction.”

You laughed, you couldn’t help yourself. 

“Oh ok.” You replied sarcastically but the look on his face, his sad eyes told you he was serious. 

Your laughter came to an abrupt halt. You set your drink down and came to sit beside him on the bed. 

“What?” You stared at him. “I don’t understand.”

He _did not_ seem like the type. But you supposed you didn’t really know him. Only his body.

“About eight months ago I was abducted while working on a case. His name was Tobias Hankel and he had multiple personalities. One of them would beat me because I was a _sinner_ and it was the _will of god_. One of his other personalities was kind, he wanted to relieve my pain. So he would inject with me dilaudid to numb the pain. And I got hooked.” His eyes welled with tears he was too afraid to let fall. He thought he was done crying over what happened to him.

“Oh my gosh.” You felt your own tears in your eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s not really the kind of thing you tell someone over the phone.” He shrugged. “I’m doing better. I’m going to meetings. But I still crave from time to time.”

You threw your arms around him and pulled him close to you, your heart breaking for him.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” 

“It’s ok, these things happen I guess when you work for the FBI.”

“Well I can safely say I don’t know anyone who’s been abducted in my department.”

“That’s the perils of chasing serial killers I suppose.” He sighed and buried his face into your neck. “ _There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.”_

“Pride and Prejudice.” You smiled to yourself. 

You held him tightly for a long while. Eventually you both crawled under the covers, not bothering to change. 

Spencer laid his head on your chest and you stroked his hair until he fell asleep. 

The last coherent thought you had before you fell asleep too was, _great, I’m falling for him._


	3. Los Angeles, California - 2007

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's angsty, couldn’t help myself. Fluff, smut and angst all in one chapter. Fingering, oral (male receiving), rough sex, unprotected sex, angry sex, mild spanking, dom! Spencer. Aggressive behaviour towards the reader from male side character. Swearing.   
> Quote about the beach taken from s8 ep5 The Good Earth (originally a conversation between Spencer and JJ.)

**Los Angeles, California - 2007**

You pulled your robe closer around your naked body as you padded back across the living room towards your bedroom. Your legs shook as you walked, threatening to give out on you at any minute.

Your whole body ached. Your back was sore as were your thighs and you were sure there were bruises forming on your neck.

_ I hope my concealer can cover that,  _ you thought in absent mind as you pushed open the bedroom door.

You discarded the robe on the floor and crawled back into bed. You felt like you could sleep for a week but you knew there was no chance of that happening.

“You’ve broken me.” You grumbled as you pulled the duvet around yourself. “Well and truly. I’m not sure I will ever be able to have sex again.”

He laughed and even though you weren’t looking at him you knew he would be rolling his eyes. 

“Has anyone ever told you you’re overdramatic?”

You rolled your head on the pillow to look at him. 

Over the last year he’d lost his glasses in lieu of contact lenses and grown his hair out a little which showcased his natural waves. He was dressing less in oversized tweed jackets opting more for tighter fitting sweater vests. 

He was changing but you supposed so were you. You were both ebbing into your late twenties now and the physical changes in you both were apparent. 

He was gaining in confidence too, at least he was with you. He was still nervous in the bedroom, still always so eager to please but over the years he was getting more comfortable. 

“Once or twice.” You laughed. “Honestly Spence, this week has been…” you trailed off, not sure of the right word.

“Perfect?” He fielded.

“Yes.” You agreed. 

The annual FBI conference was being held in LA this year and started tomorrow. Spencer had taken a week's vacation prior to the conference, telling Hotch he was going to visit his mother before catching a flight to LA today. 

In reality, he had spent the last week in complete and utter bliss with you. 

The last seven days had been, without a shadow of a doubt, the absolute best of Spencer’s twenty six years of life. 

You’d spent your days strolling the streets of LA hand in hand, visiting art galleries, museums, libraries and coffee shops. 

Your evenings had been filled with hours spent reading together, watching TV and having more sex than Spencer knew was even possible. 

You actually felt like a real couple for the first time. 

There had been more than one occasion over the past week that Spencer had found himself drafting his resignation letter on his head, the thought of ever going back to DC just didn’t seem like an option anymore. 

He loved his job, he loved his team; but he loved you more. 

Spencer knew really, he couldn’t leave the BAU and he knew you weren’t ready to leave counterintelligence. The timing wasn’t right. Maybe one day it would be. Maybe one day he wouldn’t have to cling to every small moment he got with you because he could have infinite moments with you. 

Every day you spent apart he was losing time with you and he knew all too well how precious time was. He was losing time knowing you, seeing you change as a person. He didn’t get to see the way you gradually grew, he missed out on seeing the new version of yourself you were with the dawning of each new day. The subtle changes, that’s what he’d missed. 

He didn’t get to see how different you were in the morning after a particularly hard case in comparison to easier ones. He didn’t get to see the way your skin changed with passing seasons. How did it change your demeanor? 

How did you spend your days off when you weren’t entertaining him?  _ Who _ did you spend your time with? Who were your friends? 

Did you always keep your apartment so tidy or was it just for his benefit? Was there always so much food in your fridge or were you just trying to be a good host?

Did you sleep naked when you were alone or was that just for him? Did you always wake up with a soft smile on your sleep lips or was that because he was laying next to you? 

He’d learnt a lot about you, even more so this week, but he still had so many questions about you that just couldn’t be answered by a once a year trist. They weren’t questions he wanted to ask, he wanted to learn them on his own over time. 

“What are you thinking about?” You spoke, shaking him from his thoughts. 

Spencer sighed a little and placed his large hand on your cheek. 

_ “You should be kissed and often, by someone who knows how.”  _ He kissed you gently, quoting  _ Gone With the Wind.  _

“ _ Soul meets soul on lovers’ lips.”  _ You spoke into the kiss. 

“Prometheus Unbound.” He smiled softly. 

“Indeed.” You sighed. 

Your bubble was going to pop tomorrow when the two of you had to enter the real world once more. You still had a few nights left together but it wouldn’t be the same. 

“Do you want to go for a walk?” You asked him, making him laugh.

“It’s three am.” 

“So?” Your eyes sparkled at him in the dark. 

“Let’s go for a walk.” He kissed your cheek, wanting to make the most of every single second he had left.

***

“I hate the beach.” Spencer grumbled a little as you walked hand in hand along the sand, his shoes dangling from his free hand.

“Why?” You laughed a little.

“Well let’s see. Sandy food, pink skin, limited and unengaging topography, but mostly drug-resistant bacteria spread by seagull feces.” 

“Sorry I asked.” You squeezed his hand. “Do you not think I could make it fun?” You glanced at him and your eyes sparkled in the moonlight and it made his heart practically burst. 

“Honestly, I think you could make a lethal injection fun.” He chuckled, kissing you as you walked. 

For the late hour, there were still a few other night owls littered on the beach. A small bonfire was going. There was a group of teens listening to music. A few couples sat side by side in the sand and there were even a few dog walkers about. 

But you paid them no mind. The only thing that mattered to you was Spencer. You tried your hardest to commit everything to memory, the way the sand was soft and sunk under your bare feet, the way his large, warm hand held yours so tightly. You tried to hold onto the memory of the way his hair moved so gracefully with the calm breeze, the smell of salt water and burning wood. 

The happiness that swelled in your chest. 

“Can I ask you something?” Spencer spoke quietly as though he wasn’t sure he wanted you to hear him or not.

“You can ask me anything.” You encouraged him. 

He took a deep breath, and you worried what it was that was clearly plaguing him. 

“I hope this doesn’t sound as pathetic and needy as it does it in my head,” he tried to laugh but it sounded more like a sigh. “But I...I just need to know something.” 

You pulled him to a stop so you could look at him. Concern was riddled on your features.

“What is it Spencer?” 

He chewed his lip, running his fingers through his hair.

“Have you...uhm well...I guess I was wondering...have there been...have you been…”

“Spencer,” you squeezed his hand. “Please?”

He took another deep breath. He wished he hadn’t brought this up already. 

“I guess I just need to know...have you been with any other men since we...since we met?” His cheeks immediately turned bright red. He didn’t know if he even had a right to ask you something so personal.

Your relationship had never been defined. For three years now the two of you had met up on an annual basis to fulfill your sexual needs. You spoke on the phone, sometimes once a week, sometimes once a month and sometimes every few months depending on your schedules. You had every right to be with other men, but honestly, the thought of it made Spencer feel ill. 

You gave him a soft smile. Removing your hand from his you got up on your tiptoes in the sand and took hold of Spencer’s lapels.

“Not a single one.” You told him honestly. 

“Really?” He didn’t look convinced.

“Really. Honestly Spence, there isn’t any other man I’d want to be with.” 

“Good, thank you. That makes me feel better.” His sigh told you he didn’t feel  _ completely  _ better.

“What is it?” You smiled softly, letting go of his lapels. “Somethings whirring around that big old brain of yours.”

“This has been the best week of my life. But in a few days I have to leave and then what? I see you again in a year from now? It’s hard trying to live my normal life knowing you exist in this world and I can’t see you everyday. This wasn’t supposed to happen, I wasn’t supposed to feel this way about you.” 

You saw tears spring to his eyes and it broke your heart. You took hold of both of his hands.

“I know Spence, I know.” you sniffed. “I wish there was something I could say to make this situation less... _ messy. _ But my life is here and yours is in DC.” 

“I know, I know.” he sniffed, desperate not to let his tears fall. “I guess if once a year is all I get with you, it’ll have to be enough.” he removed one hand from yours so he could cup your cheek.

“Maybe one day things will be different. But right now this is just the way things have to be.”

You fell into his arms and he held you tightly on the moonlight beach. 

Life had thought it was doing you a favour bringing the two of you together but really, it had only tormented you. It had dangled a carrot in front of your face and continuously snatched it away everytime you got close. 

“ _ Just in case you ever foolishly forget; I’m never not thinking of you.” _ You quoted  _ Virginia Woolf  _ into his chest. 

“ _ You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.”  _ He replied.

“Arthur Conan Doyle.” 

You stayed like that under the moon in each other’s arms for some time, just revelling in each other.

Because come tomorrow, everything was going to go back to normal and the little bubble you had created for yourselves would burst. 

Such is life.

***

Spencer met Hotch and Rossi at the conference center the following morning, brandishing coffees for the older men. 

“Ah kid, you know the way to an old man’s heart.” Rossi grinned, taking the coffee.

“Thanks Reid.” Hotch added, taking his cup from the young doctor. “How’s your mom?” he asked as the three of them headed inside.

“Good.” he nodded, not making eye contact. He wanted to say as little as possible. The fewer words he used, the less likely he was to be caught in a lie.

Truth be told, Spencer wasn’t sure why he hadn’t told his team about you. A part of him liked you being his secret. He liked that he had  _ one thing _ that the team didn’t know about his life. He knew if he told the team they wouldn’t understand. His feelings for you wouldn’t make sense to them. They wouldn’t understand how he had fallen head over heels for a woman he only saw once a year. Honestly, he didn’t entirely understand it himself so how could he expect anyone else to?

The three of them signed into the conference and headed inside. The first thing that caught his eye when he entered the large hall was you, no surprise, only you weren’t alone.

You were leant against a wall on one side of the room, a tall, broad man in front of you. He was tanned, muscular and attractive. He stood a little too close to you for Spencer’s comfort. He had a hand on the wall next to your head. 

He was talking and you were smiling at him. He made you laugh and you even touched his toned bicep. Spencer felt a pit form in stomach. You were flirting with him, he was sure of it, and he couldn’t blame you. The man in front of you was superior to Spencer in every way. 

“Reid, are you listening?” 

He snapped his gaze away from you and onto Rossi who was glaring at him with a frown.

“Huh?” Spencer swallowed, looking like a deer in headlights.

“I said the first talk is about to start.” Rossi repeated, looking at Spencer in concern.

“Oh right, sure. Let’s go.” he gave you one last look over his shoulder, tasting bile in his mouth.

Had you not meant what you said last night at all? He still had three days left in LA but right now, he felt as though he may as well not be here at all.

***

He couldn’t concentrate all day, the only thing he could focus on was the thought of you with the muscle man from earlier. 

Between talks he saw you again with the same man by the bar, laughing and flirting like before. 

It made his heart ache. If you were like this while he was still here, what were you like when he wasn’t? You’d told him there wasn’t another man that you wanted to be with, had that been a lie?

Spencer wanted to walk away. He was sure his brain was saying to walk away. But he did the opposite. He found himself walking right towards the two of you and he had no idea why. 

His heart was hammering as you neared you as he had no idea what he planned on saying when he reached you. He begged his legs to stop and turn around but they wouldn’t listen. He just kept walking. 

He was barely a few feet away when you looked up and saw him approaching. The look on his face was unreadable.

“Hi Doctor Reid.” you smiled a little at him. “Uhm, Casey, this is Doctor Spencer Reid with the BAU. Spencer, this is Casey Langley he works cyber crimes.”

Spencer didn’t look as though he was listening to you at all and he didn’t even so much as glance at Casey.

“Can we talk?” his voice was devoid of any emotion. 

You frowned, looking from him to Casey.

“Uh, I guess I’ll talk to you later Casey.” you shrugged at the other man.

“No problem. Dinner yeah?” 

“Sure.”

Casey gave you a wave and Spencer a small frown before he took his leave.

Once he was gone you glared at Spencer.

“Well that was rude.” you folded your arms across your chest.

“You’re not going to dinner with  _ that _ guy.” he spat.

You exhaled a frustrated breath before grabbing Spencer by the wrist. You had a feeling he was going to make a scene and you weren’t risking that with people around. 

You pulled him by the arm away from prying eyes or ears. You found an empty room, the size of an office with a single desk and chair in the room and nothing else. You pulled him inside and locked the door behind you. 

“Ok firstly,” you spun to face him, your frustration evident on your face. “Why were you just rude to Casey? You acted like he didn’t even exist! And secondly, where the hell do you get off thinking you can tell me who I  _ can  _ and  _ can’t _ have dinner with?” you crossed your arms again.

“What happened to what you said last night? That there was no other man you wanted to be with. Was that just a lie?” he folded his arms too as if mirroring you.

“I have no idea who you think Casey is but you’re sorely mistaken.” 

“You looked pretty cosy to me this morning.”

“We had a thing,  _ years ago.  _ We were in the academy together. It was over a long time ago. That’s the first time I’ve seen him since I left.” You couldn’t believe this. You didn’t peg Spencer to hold this kind of jealousy.

“Did you sleep with him?” He grunted. 

You rolled your eyes.

“Yes Spencer. But like I said it was a long time ago. Long before I even met you. I had a life before I met you.” You raised your voice a little, angry he was reacting this way. 

“And I didn’t? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

“What?” You frowned at him. 

“You don’t know what it’s like for me to imagine you with other men! You don’t have to deal with that because I was the pathetic virgin when you met me.”

“Spencer,” you unfolded your arms, softening a little. “I’m sorry but I don’t know what to tell you. It was a long time ago.” 

“What do you even see in me?” 

“Spencer.”

“I look nothing like him. He may as well have been a damn Ken Doll he was so perfect. How do you go from someone like that to...someone like me?” He unfolded his arms, hanging his head. It was amazing how quickly all his insecurities could come rushing back to the surface. 

“Spence,” you stepped closer to him. You put your hand under his chin and guided his face up so he would look at you. “I was barely twenty one years old when I met Casey. He was kind of like this bad boy type, always getting into trouble, trying to play the tough guy. I was young and naive and for some reason I found that attractive. But I’ve grown up a lot since then. Trust me when I say I have long grown out of my bad boy phase.” You stroked his cheek, hoping he would see you meant it.

“I can’t compete with a guy like that.” 

“You don’t have to compete with anyone.” You insisted. “Spence, you already have me. Whether or not we only see each other once a year, it’s only you I’m interested in. It’s only you I want.” You kissed him softly hoping to prove that fact to him. 

He seemed to melt into your lips. You wrapped your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, needing him to know he was the only man for you. 

His tongue found its place in your mouth and he held your face in his hands. It wasn’t long before you could feel his arousal growing in his pants. 

“Spence,” you broke the kiss panting, your eyes dark and mischievous. “Want to have a little fun?” 

“Wha-what?” He stuttered but you didn’t answer him, no with your words anyway. 

You dropped to your knees, pushing Spencer back so his back was flush with the door. You undid his pants while he stared down at you.

“Y/N, I don’t know if this is a good idea.” 

You took hold of his shaft in your hand, looking up at him.

“You don’t want this?” You smirked and ran your tongue over his head making his hiss. “I can stop if you’d like?”

“Hmmm.” He mumbled. This was a terrible idea. They could be caught at any moment. But your hand was practically dancing up and down his throbbing member and he couldn’t think straight. 

“I’ll take that as a no.” You laughed before wrapping your lips around his swollen head.

He moaned deeply, his eyes fluttering closed.

“Jeez…” he panted as you worked his dick the way only you could. 

You knew his body in a way he never thought another human being could. It was as though you knew his body better than he knew it himself.

You knew the best places to touch him, to kiss him and lick him. You had studied his body and passed the tests with flying colors.

Each minuscule movement of your tongue was enough to push him further towards the edge. Your lips were perfectly shaped to fit him and they moved up and down his length with meticulous precision. 

Your tongue glided up the underside of his dick, right along the length of his throbbing vein. He slammed his hands back against the door and moaned.

You wrapped your lips around his head, your tongue virtually floating over the tip of his dick. 

His legs were turning to jelly. You made his whole body feel as though it was on fire. Just as you took him all the way in your mouth again, his head hitting the back of your throat, his phone started ringing in his pocket.

“Shit.” He groaned.

“Ignore it.” You spoke coming off him just long enough to speak and then you took him in your mouth once more. 

He slid the device from his jacket pocket and saw Hotch’s name on the display. 

“It’s Hotch…” he groaned as he spoke. “I have to take this.” 

Once again you let your mouth slip off of him as he answered the call. 

“Hi Hotch.” He tried to steady his breathing. “Uh I just needed some air. Yeah ok.”

You decided to have some fun so you took him in your mouth, you tongue gliding down his shaft.

He gasped loudly.

“What? No-nothing.” He spoke into the phone trying to ignore the way you were making him feel. “Mmm hmm. Yep. See you...then.” He hung up quickly.

You smirked around him, the way his body shook told you he was close.

“That was...dirty.” He panted. “That was my damn unit chief.” 

You just kept moving around him, sliding up and down with ease thanks to your saliva and his pre-come. 

You reached around him and grabbed his ass cheeks, squeezing hard. It forced Spencer to jut forward into your mouth. 

“I’m close...so fucking close.” His legs were shaking, threatening to collapse from under him. 

You pursed your lips around his head using your tongue to really push him over the edge.

He thrust into your mouth as he came and you felt reams of his salty come filling your mouth. You let him ride out his orgasm before you slid off of him. 

He was still leaning against the door staring at the ceiling.

“I can’t believe we did that.” He tried to catch his breath. “That was dangerous.”

You stood up from your position on the floor.

“That’s what makes it hot Doctor.” You took hold of his face and brought his lips to meet yours. He could taste himself on your lips. “You gotta go meet your unit chief?” 

“He wants me to have dinner with him and Rossi.”

“Rossi?” You stared at him. “David Rossi?” 

He tucked himself back inside in his pants and did them back up.

“Yeah?”

“Oh my gosh.” You gasped. “He is a  _ legend _ . I’ve read all his books. I’ve followed his career for years. I thought he was retired?” 

“He was. But when Gideon left they called him and asked him to come back and he did.” 

“I’m obsessed with David Rossi.” You blushed a little, feeling like a fan girl.

“Do you wanna come to dinner with us?”

You chewed your lip, exhaling.

“I can’t.” You stepped back a little. “I have dinner plans.”

“Oh.” Spencer frowned. “With who?”

Your eyes looked at him guiltily and it didn’t take a profiler to figure out why. 

“That Ken Doll?” He exclaimed. “You have to be kidding me.”

“He’s an old friend. I thought we just cleared this up?”

“He’s an old fuck buddy!” Spencer spat. “He’s going to try and get in your pants.”

“He is not Spencer.” You frowned. “And even if he is, that's a two way street. And my end of the road is cordoned off.”

“Maybe it shouldn’t be.” He grunted, turning to unlock the door.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It means,” he looked at you over his shoulder. “Fuck him. Don’t fuck him. I don’t care either way.” 

“Spencer!” 

“I’ve got to go.” He opened the door and stepped into the corridor.

“Spencer don’t you dare!” You raised your voice, following hot on his heels. 

“Do what you like Y/N. It’s not my concern anymore.” 

You wanted to call after him but there were people around and it certainly wasn’t the place to cause a scene. You tried not to think about how many people saw you leave that empty room together.

You watched him go, weaving in and out of people. You should have gone after him but you were too mad right now. You needed to cool down. 

You didn’t like this jealous side of Spencer one bit. If he didn’t trust you when you were in the same city, how the hell was he going to trust you when he went back to DC? 

And also you reminded yourself, the two of you weren’t a couple. He didn’t have any right to be jealous because you weren’t his girlfriend. If you wanted to sleep with Casey, which you didn’t, but if you did you had every right to. 

He was out of line for acting this way. He couldn’t possibly expect you to stay celebate all year long while he was on the other side of the country. And you wouldn’t expect him to either.

Maybe you would sleep Casey just to prove you could. 

***

“Seriously, earth to Doctor Reid?” Hotch waved a hand in front of Spencer’s face, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“What?” He looked at his unit chief in a daze. 

“What’s with you tonight kid?” Rossi asked from across the table. “You’ve been a million miles away all evening.” 

It was true, he had been. He couldn’t stop thinking about what you might be up to right now. Maybe you had bypassed dinner altogether and gone straight back to your place. 

Was he better than Spencer? Did he make you moan the way Spencer did? Could he make you come from doing barely anything to you at all? Spencer could. 

“Nothing sorry. What were you saying Hotch?”

He tried to tune back into the conversation but he couldn’t focus at all.

All he could focus on was the idea of you on your back and another man between your legs. 

He didn’t have the right to be jealous but he was, he couldn’t help himself. 

A quote came to mind that kept spinning around his head. 

_ If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t they never were. _

Maybe he had to just let you go and hope you would come back to him.

Or maybe he had to fight for you.

***

“This is me.” You stopped outside your apartment building, hands dug deep into your pockets. “Thanks for dinner. See you tomorrow.”

You turned to head up the steps of the building. 

“What aren't you going to invite me in?” 

When you reached the top step you turned to look back at Casey on the sidewalk.

Dinner had been nice, you’d enjoyed catching up with an old friend. But Casey hadn’t been thinking of you as just an old  _ friend.  _

He’d been trying to charm you, ordering the most expensive bottle of wine, insisting on getting more food than you could ever possibly eat and paying the check before you even had a chance to argue.

“Well, why would I do that?” You raised your eyebrow at him.

He started up the steps towards you and it put you on high alert. Your back straightened and the hairs on the back of your neck stood up.

“Old times sake?” He grinned at you, the very grin that had landed you into his bed all those years ago 

“I don’t think so.”

“Oh come on sugar.” He stood right in front of you, eyes dark with lust.

You cringed a little at the nickname. He’d always called you that, telling you it was because you were so sweet. You knew the truth. You knew he slept with so many women he called you all  _ sugar  _ so as not to risk using the wrong name.

“Do you really think that still works on me?” You chuckled, folding your arms to create a barrier between the two of you. “I have a lot more self respect these days.”

“You’re really going to turn me down?” He smirked as though he thought it was only a matter of time before you caved. 

He stepped even closer and placed his hand on your cheek. You slapped him away instantly.

“Don’t touch me.” 

“You know you want it.”

“And here was me thinking you’d changed.” You rolled your eyes. “Newsflash asshole, you are not god's gift to women like you think you are. You can’t make me fall in your bed just by clicking your fingers anymore. Jesus it’s pathetic really.”

You pulled your keys from your pocket and turned your back on him. As you went to put the key in the lock you felt his hand clamp down on your shoulder.

“Stop playing hard to get.” 

You spun back to face him and he moved fast, pinning you against the door. His eyes were wild as they stared at you. 

“We both know how tonight is going to end. You on your back, legs in the air and you’re going to love every minute of it.” 

You weren’t scared of him. Maybe you should have been but you weren’t. He’d left himself exposed without even realising it.

In one swift move you bent your leg and sent your knee flying into his crotch, your whole strength behind the movement. 

He groaned loudly, stumbling backwards down the stairs.

“You fucking bitch!” 

“Here’s what’s  _ actually  _ going to happen tonight.” You followed him down the stairs, hands on your hips. “You’re going to go crawl back into whatever hole you came out of. You are going to stop harassing women and act like a fucking FBI agent! You're supposed to stop creeps like you! There’s enough bad in this world without the people who are supposed to be keeping the public safe becoming one of the bad guys.” You slapped him hard around the face before storming back up the stairs and unlocking the door.

You were inside with the door locked behind you in a matter of seconds. 

Your heart was racing and palms sweating. Tonight wasn’t supposed to turn out this way. You were just supposed to be going for dinner with an old friend. 

The whole day had been a disaster. Yesterday you had been the happiest you’d ever been and today it had all come crashing down. 

You wanted to call Spencer but you were still mad at him. He probably wouldn’t have any sympathy for you anyway. 

You slumped into your apartment. You’d gotten so used to him being around the past week that it seemed too empty. Too quiet. 

With Spencer here there was always some kind of noise whether he realised he was making it or not. He was always either tapping his fingers on something or muttering under his breath about one thing or another. 

The apartment was deathly silent without his presence. You knew it would only take one call and he’d be here in an instant. But after the way he’d talked to you earlier, your annoyance towards him outweighed your need to see him. 

You changed into shorts and a tank top before crawling into bed. You reached your hand out to his side of the bed. It was cold, just like it always was before this week. 

But why was it only now it felt so painfully empty? 

***

You weren’t asleep when there was a frantic knocking on your apartment door. You couldn’t sleep even if you’d tried, which really you hadn’t. 

With a sigh you got out of bed and padded across the living room. You already knew who it would be. 

You threw the door open, glaring at him.

“Well isn’t this a pleasant surprise.” You grumbled at him. “If you think you’re still staying here tonight you are  _ sorely _ mistaken.” 

“Is he here?” Spencer asked, making you roll your eyes.

“Yes Spencer, he’s naked in my bed right now.”

“I’ll kill him.” Spencer pushed passed you, clearly not sensing the sarcasm in your voice. 

You sighed following him into your apartment. 

“Where is he?” He yelled from the bedroom.

“Spencer, he isn’t here for god sake.” 

He pulled the duvet from the bed, tossing it aside. He threw open your closet, shoving your clothes aside so he could inspect the small space.

“Spencer seriously!” 

You followed him as he frantically turned your apartment upside down, opening cupboards and turning couch cushions over. 

“You think I’m hiding him in the couch?” You scoffed. “Spencer there is no one here! Stop this.” 

You grabbed his wrist, his frantic movements coming to a stop.

“So he’s gone already?”

“He was never here! Seriously what on Earth would you have done if you  _ did  _ find him?” 

Spencer didn’t answer that because honestly he didn’t know what he would have done. Casey could easily take him in a fight. 

“What do you think of me?” You spoke again when he didn’t answer you. “You think I just jump into bed with any man that looks my way?”

“You did with me.” He shrugged. 

“That was different.”

“Was it?” He stepped closer to you and you stepped backwards away from him. He kept moving closer until your back hit the wall. “How am I supposed to know that wasn’t just a regular occurrence for you?”

“Because I’m telling you it isn’t and you should believe me.” 

“What if I don’t?”

“Then I don’t know what we’re even doing here Spencer.” 

“Was he better than me?” He ignored you again, stepping even closer so you were trapped just like you had been with Casey earlier.

Only when Spencer did it, it was  _ hot. _

“I’m not answering that.” 

“Why not?”

“Because you might not like the answer.” You didn’t mean that, you just wanted a rise out of him. 

There was something about angry Spencer that was turning you on. You’d never seen this side of him and you were loving it.

He put his hands on the wall either side of your face, moving closer to you still.

“I don’t believe that.” He grunted, his breath hitting your face. “I don’t believe anyone can make you moan the way I do.”

“Believe what you want.” You shrugged. 

The look in his eyes was  _ feral  _ and it was making you so, so wet. You wanted him to take you, to show you he was the best you’d ever have. 

“I know you Y/N. I know your body better than anyone. He doesn’t make you wet like I do.” As if to make a point he moved one hand down between your legs. Moving the flimsy fabric of your shorts aside he ran his fingers between your legs. “I knew it.” 

He brought his fingers to his lips and sucked them, making your legs buckle.

“This is all me. He doesn’t make you feel this way.  _ Only _ I can make you feel this way.”

His fingers went back between your legs and he thrust two inside of you. You had no idea where this raw confidence of his was coming from but it was driving you wild. 

You moaned deeply at the sensation, needing more, so much more.

“Prove it Spencer. Prove to me you're the only one who can make me feel this good.” You goaded him. 

He started thrusting his fingers in and out of you with a force he’d never used with you before. It made your head spin. 

He curled his fingers inside you, hitting you deeper and deeper with every thrust. His eyes were dark as they stared at you, a combination of lust and anger. 

“Jesus Spence.” You moaned making him smirk dangerously. 

Suddenly his fingers withdrew from you and you whimpered pathetically making him laugh. 

“Told you.” He spat. “Only I do this to you.” 

He yanked your shorts down and you kicked them off your feet before he pulled your tank top over your head, tossing it aside. 

You stood naked with your back flush against the wall waiting to see what his next move would be. 

He pulled his sweater vest over his head and it joined your clothes on the floor before he started working the buttons on his shirt. 

As soon as he was topless he worked on getting out of his pants and underwear and it wasn’t long before he too was naked and hard in front of you. 

“Bend over the couch.” He told you sternly. “I don’t want to look at you right now.”

You swallowed taking a few shaky steps forward. Spencer taking control and telling you want to do like this was the sexiest thing you’d ever experienced.

You bent over the back of the couch, making sure to give him a good view of your ass. He was behind you before long, digging his fingernails into the flesh of you backside. 

His hard member slid between your legs and he thrust inside of you forcing a loud moan out of your lips.

“Fucking hell!”

The sudden friction burned, pushing through your whole body. He started thrusting hard and fast, the sound of flesh hitting flesh was electrifying.

Your whole body tingled at the sensation. You honestly didn’t think Spencer had this in him. 

He brought his hand down and collided it hard with your ass check making you hiss.

“Was he...better than...me?” His words were punctuated with hard thrusts. “Was he?”

You wanted to lie to frustrate him more or not answer at all. You wanted to push him further but you spoke before you realised you were going to.

“No.” You whined. “No one is better than you Spencer.” 

“That’s what I thought.” 

His whole demeanour seemed to shift at your confession. He buried his face into your neck holding you tight as he continued his thrusts.

“Please Y/N,” he panted into your ear. “I can’t stand the thought of you with anyone but me.” 

He sounded like he was crying. 

He reached around and cupped the back of his head, his thrusts easing up on you.

“It’s ok Spence.” You comforted him as you felt his tears roll onto your neck. “I’m yours.”

That seemed like all he wanted to hear as he came soon after. 

He slid out of you and you turned to see tears still falling from his eyes.

You wrapped an arm around his shoulders and guided him to the bedroom. You both got under the covers and his head found solace on your chest. 

You held him as he cried into your breasts. 

_ Oh the tangled webs we weave,  _ you sighed to yourself.  _ What have I gotten myself into? _


End file.
